Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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