Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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