can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
