I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
