She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
