Apparently you make a good broom.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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