god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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