omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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