did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is classic penis vs brain.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
