May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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