even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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