If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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