Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
In America we eat man semen.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
