Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
