i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
