I understand Curling. That high.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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