3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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