somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
