Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
