Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
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Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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