he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
a search helicopter?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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