sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
