No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
