im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
