your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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