They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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