You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Mom said you looked used
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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