my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
