Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
high people should be assigned attendants
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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