He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
