i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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