Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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