just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Farmville is her only friend.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
