we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So vagazzling was a success
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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