turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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