there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
