im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
