I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
