respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
