I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
