Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
