She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
