Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
