Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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