A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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