I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
