I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
