New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
