we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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