Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
