Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
