How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
