this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
