im six kinds of drunk right now
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
