New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
