i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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