do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
