My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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