The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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