What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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