just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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