told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
