Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
