be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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