he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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