On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
