Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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