Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Come share oat with me in your robe
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
