Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
