3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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