If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
