I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
