Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
