He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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