i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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