hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
