I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
