I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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