you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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