there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
