i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
