Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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