remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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