Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
