Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
